


After Everything (A Will Byers Story)

by BrisTime



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Bisexual Mike Wheeler, Byeler - Freeform, Canon, F/M, Flashbacks, M/M, Mileven, SPOILERS FROM THE FIRST LINE, Stranger Things 3, Stranger Things 3 Spoilers, byler, mentions of slurs, mlm, post ST3, will confronts his feelings and comes to terms with his sexuality, will is gay, will not be chronological in the beginning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-06-23 21:57:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19710238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrisTime/pseuds/BrisTime
Summary: **Spoilers for Stranger Things 3 below**"It's not my fault you don't like girls!" Those words hit him and it was like a blow to everything he knew. Will couldn't do anything except stand there for a second and remember everything that had happened to make him this way. Before he knew it, all he could think was "stupid." Everything he thought he knew about Mike Wheeler made him feel stupid. Any feelings he had felt were useless. And all Will Byers could do was sob in the pouring rain.---In which Will Byers looks back at all the times he realized he was different, confrontations with others and himself, and coming to terms with his feelings. Will Byers's story is far from over.





	1. Not normal

Will wanted a lot of things in life. Sometimes, he just wanted to hang out with his best friends and play Dungeons and Dragons until they passed out in Mike's basement. He went by 'Will the Wise' and knew that his fellow comrades looked up to his game playing skills as a wizard. They would always go through their character's stories for hours and go on adventures, playing game after game, Nancy coming to yell at them for being so loud until they eventually ignored her, being careless twelve year olds who lost to the demogorgon in their campaigns. All it took was one summer for a demogorgon to take hold of reality.

\---

"It's not my fault you don't like girls!" Those words hit him and it was like a blow to everything he knew. Will couldn't do anything except stand there for a second and remember everything that had happened to make him this way. Before he knew it, all he could think was "stupid." Everything he thought he knew about Mike Wheeler made him feel stupid. Any feelings he had felt were useless. And all Will Byers could do was sob in the pouring rain. 

Will knew Mike didn’t feel the same way about him and that all his friends now had girlfriends. That they were growing up and had their own lives. But what Will didn’t want to give up was his group of comrades, all of whom he had grown up playing games with. 

As Will biked away, he felt the rain hit his face like needles, as if the pain from the mind flayer being in him and paining every inch of his soul never went away. All he felt was anger. Why couldn’t Mike understand that this was their summer to do what they wanted, and that him and El being on a break was a good thing! 

It’s not that he didn’t like El. He didn’t really mean to call her a stupid girl. His mom told him all about how El worked with Mike and the others to find out where Will was in the upside down, and without her powers, he wouldn’t have been able to see Mike or his mom again. In fact, he was happy for Mike for knowing what he wanted, because he definitely did not.

As he tore apart Castle Byers, all he could think about was how angry he had been. He felt like he had lost his friends these past two years, and all he could do was lament while they were off doing their own things. And they didn’t even care about him. The campaigns didn’t matter. His effort didn’t matter. 

“Stupid” he kept uttering, turning into screams. He just wanted it to be over, because nothing mattered. 

“So stupid” he yelled once more, because what if his friends didn’t care. His own brother and mom didn’t care enough to be home. Nobody cared. 

Through everything, the torture that nearly ripped his body apart, the anguish that he felt after being away from his mom for so long, the part of him that he didn’t have anymore, as if he had died and left his soul in the upside down, it killed him. And it killed him even more to know that it didn’t matter, that his best friend didn’t understand, because as he sat in front of a ruined Castle Byers with his fists digging into the wet earth and knees covered in broken branches, drawings and pictures of the past that once meant everything to him in shreds, that he, Will Byers, wasn’t normal.

\---  
To be continued...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! This is my first real fic after a LONG time (excluding any short ones on my ao3 currently), and I'm hoping to make it multi-chapter. Hopefully I get the motivation to keep writing, after watching ST3, I just needed to talk about Will Byers and how his story is far from over.


	2. Swings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Do you remember the first day that we met? It was the first day of kindergarten. I knew nobody, I had no friends and I just felt so alone and so scared, but I saw you on the swings and you were alone, too. You were just swinging by yourself and I just walked up to you and I asked... I asked if you wanted to be my friend. And you said yes. You said yes. It was the best thing I’ve ever done."_
> 
> Will remembers meeting Mike for the first time and how they became friends. But seven years later, he's unable to cope with his feelings the night before the Snow Ball of '84.  
>  \---  
>  In which there are two recollections about Will's friendship with Mike, one bringing happiness and one bringing pain.

_"Do you remember the first day that we met? It was the first day of kindergarten. I knew nobody, I had no friends and I just felt so alone and so scared, but I saw you on the swings and you were alone, too. You were just swinging by yourself and I just walked up to you and I asked... I asked if you wanted to be my friend. And you said yes. You said yes. It was the best thing I’ve ever done."_  


\---

His first memory of Mike Wheeler was in the kindergarten, when they were in the same class together. Will had always been a loner, much like his brother, but he never felt more alone than when he started at Hawkins elementary.

“Hey! Do you want to play hop scotch?” Will looked up from swings of the playground, where he had been sitting by himself at recess everyday for the past week. He wouldn't even swing, and just sat on the swings tracing his foot into the mulch. Against the piercing sun of late summer in September, he saw a dark brown haired boy with a head full of soft curls. The boy looked like him, fair skinned, small features, thin lips, glistening brown eyes, but one difference was the freckles that were all over his face. He seemed, nice. 

Will didn’t say anything, but instead looked up at the boy who looked much like him and winced in surprise, not noticing him reaching out his hand to Will.

Mike had always been the amiable one, always asking other kids if they needed help, if they wanted to play, or if they wanted to be friends. He could so easily just say “Hi, I’m Mike! What’s your name?” and it would bring a smile to your face knowing that he cared.

And so he asked, “My name’s Mike! I wanted to ask because I saw you sitting all by yourself and, well who are you?” Mike asked with his head jerked up. Mike at 7 years old was clueless on how to talk to him, choking up at a single sentence, and maybe that’s why Will answered him that day.

“Will. My name’s Will,” he answered. He didn’t know why this boy was talking to him, but it was the first time anybody had even reached out to him, and it felt nice.

“Oh.. that’s cool! Do you wanna be friends?” Mike jumped up again. 

“Um… okay.” Will was beaming with joy inside, knowing that he could play with somebody and not feel like they couldn’t care about him any less. He finally had a friend.

And as they played, Will started smiling like somebody had lifted him up and shown him off to the world. He finally felt like he belonged, and those long recesses didn’t feel burdensome anymore.

The same day at lunch, they were already talking like friends, but Will knew it wouldn’t last. Mike had even shared his PB&J half with him, and Will hadn’t touched it. He had to put all his attention into carefully telling Mike about himself, and that terrified him. To tell another kid why he’s got a messed up life, filled with worry about whether tomorrow his mom would be okay, if his brother would survive a fight, if there was enough food on the table. 

“So that’s why we had to move here with my brother Jonathan and my mom.” Will sighed, knowing that his story was enough to make anybody run away.

“Oh… um, well I have a big sister too! Nancy, but she doesn’t like me very much.” Mike chuckled. He instantly ignored Will’s struggles and instead tried to relate to him. Will was shocked, to say the least. Did Mike really not care that Will wasn’t like him? Anyways, he wasn’t going to question it, so he continued on the abrupt change of subject. 

“Why wouldn’t your sister like you?” Will looked genuinely confused. In all the years of moving and his parents fighting, the days of being lonely, Jonathan was the only one that looked after him. He would watch his favorite scary movies with him, play cards, eat with him, and go on long walks in their new street with him. Jonathan was his only friend, and he couldn’t imagine not having that.

“Oh! It’s not like that! She just is older than me and tells me to go make my own friends.” Mike blabbered on, as if to prove that he didn’t mean to offend Will. Mike probably didn’t want to be friends with Will and was just telling him about making friends so he knew that he was better off. If Mike already had friends, why would he ever want to even talk to little poor boy Will?

And Will just nodded, looking down. He knew, in that little cafeteria with kids yelling and talking to their own friends, eating their own lunches, wearing their own department store shirts, that Mike probably wouldn’t care about him the very next day. He frowned, almost getting up and walking back to his classroom. 

“Hey! Will?” Mike started. 

Will looked up again, and saw Mike smiling with a giddy laugh. 

“I'm happy we're friends!”

It was just one day, but Will and Mike had found each other. And as they played hop scotch together at recess again and were on the swings together so neither of them were alone that next day, they knew that they would come to play games and go on adventures together for years to come.  


\---  


Will grabs onto his pillow as he lays in bed and sobs quiet tears. It was the day before the Snow Ball ‘84, and Will wanted to yell. He had talked to Mike, and it felt like he was distant from him.

All he wanted was the hold Mike’s hand and say, “Mike, I love this song by the Rolling Stones, let’s dance!” But Mike was not over Eleven and saddened by the thought that he had to go without her.

“But at least we’ll all go as friends, right! I mean, I’ll be there too!” Will was elated when he told Mike, looking forward to this event after the horrible spell of the Shadow monster. He had smiled and looked up at Mike, only to see a tear stricken face void of emotion, as if somebody had tortured Mike. If only Mike knew what true torture Will was going through.

It felt like it had been an eternity since he last saw all his friends. First he was in the upside down, and then he had been rescued. But they wouldn’t let him go. The Shadow monster wanted him, and all he could feel was guilt. Shame. Alone. 

It was his fault, why else would the Shadow monster come back for him? And now, every time he moved, he could feel his body ache as he took a step, trying to forget about the shreds his body had been torn down to inside and outside, the never ceasing bruises that the trauma left on his body. He ached, everywhere. His head would always be pounding, and his eyes obliterated by the weight of a never ending fatigue of having something once controlling him. He felt like he didn’t have control of his body anymore, like the Shadow was still in him and controlling him like an object. 

It all used to be different. He didn’t feel like he had to hide away his feelings from Mike, and they could still be friends. Because before Lucas or Dustin, or El, there was him and Mike. Him and Mike playing board games between just the two of them, Jonathan joining and introducing Dungeons and Dragons to them for the first time when they were 8, and then Will talking to Mike everyday on their supercomm.

He remembers hiding under his blanket in his bed as kid, all the lights off but his small lamp turned on to see the controls of his supercomm. 

“What do you think of Lacey. You know, the blonde girl in our class?” Mike would ask him, and all Will could say was, “She’s nice.” What else was he supposed to say?

“Just nice?! Will, she’s just so pretty! And she’s friends with everybody! Nice??” The supercomm would break up, and all Will would slam his body against his bed, waiting to hear Mike talk about something else.

And all Will could think was, I’ll see Mike tomorrow, and he’ll forget about Lacey. He’ll play with me, and we can just talk about anything else! Will would lay in bed and think about his friend Mike and all the adventures they had already gone on.

That was only four years ago, but it felt like he was going through the same emotions today. As he held his soft pillow tightly, he slammed his head into it and screamed away the frustration he felt. As he got up, he felt his face feel like it was burning up, and his cheeks burned from the tears that left him grief stricken. 

He had been so excited for the Snow Ball, after missing the last one during his recovery. His mom had even patched up his small vest he borrowed from his neighbor and had cheered, “You’re going to look so cute Will! This is too exciting!!”, beaming with joy as she dressed him up to try on the vest. Will had been excited, because despite the past year, he was ready to go out and spend a night of fun with his friends.

As Will stayed sitting in his bed grasping onto his now wrinkled pillow, his eyes welled up with tears looking at the outfit hanging from a hanger in his closet. He stared at the ironed vest and shirt, which his mom worked so hard and tirelessly to make it perfect for him. And there he was, sitting in a state with his bangs all in a mess, sticking to his sweaty forehead and his face swollen from the crying. 

Why was he even crying? Will knew that Mike just thought of him as a friend, but he couldn’t help but think that the moments they spent together in Mike’s basement, over the supercomm, at school, on their bikes, meant something to Mike. 

Joyce knocked quietly on Will’s door, ready to give a heart-to-heart to him. 

“Will? Will, honey. Can you open the door? I just want to talk to you.” 

Joyce knew Will had been crying when he opened the door and his eyes were drawn to the floor. It had been clear he was crying, his lips in an innocent pout while he sniffled, and she felt the ultimate guilt for not knowing what happened or how to help him. After so long, he was finally back and she felt more detached to him than ever before. The thought of not being able to help her son made Joyce tear up, until Will looked up and she could tell he was hurting.

“Oh.. Will,” Joyce cried out, and Will ran into his mom’s arms, hoping for the comfort and love he had missed for so long. He sniffed in her scent as he choked on his tears, trying to hold back, but he couldn’t anymore. And the tears just spilled out, as if they had been aching him, a heavy lump forming in the back of his throat. 

And for a few minutes, he just stayed in his mom’s arms until he stopped crying, running out of tears. It was all too much- the Shadow, his friends, Mike. 

Will knew, that for his mom, he had to go to the Snow Ball. He knew that the old days of swinging on the swings as a kid was over, and he had to face his true feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, let me know how this was! I'm really trying to write more emotion into my writing after not writing for years and am struggling! Also, let me know if the switching back and forth between times is confusing, because this fic will not be chronological for the beginning. Leave any constructive criticism or thoughts in the comments, anything is welcome!
> 
> I hope I did justice to Will Byers's pain (oof), my sweet son deserves better! And hopefully he will! Next chapter is on the Snow Ball as seen at the end of Season 2!


	3. Blue and White, Snow Ball '84

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _~Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock! Jingle bells chime in, jingle bell time!~_   
> 
> 
> _"Yeah, you got it. See?"_  
>  _"Mom!"_  
>  _"Wow!"_  
>  _"Do you always have to be filming everything?"_  
>  _"No, no. Just the good stuff."_  
>  _"Are you sure people still dance like this?"_  
>  _"Yeah. It's just what's happening."_
> 
> I deserve this, tonight I do. Cyndi Lauper came on for me. Let me have this dance.  
>  \---  
>  In which Will Byers attends the Snow Ball '84 with his friends after much contemplation, and seemingly has a good time until things go awry. It was never supposed to be this way.

It was the night of the Snow Ball, and Will still hadn’t talked to Mike or the others since yesterday. He was dreading going at all, but then Joyce yelled from the other room. 

“Will! Will! Are you ready yet? If you take this long we’re not going to get any pictures before the boys co-” she yelled, coming in from the other room to see that Will hadn’t gotten dressed at all and was still sitting on the edge of his bed looking down. 

“Will… come on honey you need to get dressed. Look I even patched up the vest all for you so it’ll fit you and you’ll look dapper just like Bill Murray! Oh  _ come on _ , you’ll look even better than him, but you gotta put it on first!” his mom said, chuckling as she sat next to him on the edge of his bed and gave him a playful punch to his left arm. 

Will looked up at the outfit hanging from the closet, visibly ironed by his mom and tailored to perfection for little Will. His light yellow dress shirt was already collared and buttoned for him to slip on, under the black vest with the striped blue tie hanging from the handle, all ready to go to a dance. But he was contemplating putting it on, because  _ why even go to the Snow Ball?  _

“Mom, I don’t want to go.” Will just blurted out, shifting on the bed to face his mom. He just looked at her face, face plain and lips pressed to a fine line. He didn’t want to tell her why.

And Joyce just wrinkled her eyebrows in confusion, opening her mouth to say something but all that came out was just stuttering. Will had been so excited just a few days ago to finally have a night with his friends, and even Joyce was shocked by her son’s enthusiasm after recent events. 

“Hey what’s going on, the camera’s all ready” Jonathan exclaimed, coming in from the other room to stand in the doorway holding his camera, only to see the scene. He leaned against the door pane as Joyce looked up to glance at him.

“Honey, I thought you really wanted to go! I mean, Mike, Lucas, Dustin, are they still coming ove-”

“Mom, Dustin isn’t even coming with us.” he interrupted again, sighing to look over at his brother. There was a moment of silence before Will continued in a hushed voice.

“I don’t even know how to dance…” he mumbled from under his breath, clearly not wanting to tell his mom the whole truth. 

Joyce just looked down at her little boy and draped an arm around his back, caressing his back, knowing it probably wasn’t the only reason but she knew she couldn’t push him after everything that had happened recently. Her son deserved better.

“Honey, if you don’t want to go, it’s okay, I can just call Mike and Lucas’s parents and cancel the photos. If it’s for some other reason,” Joyce said, lifting up her son’s chin while gripping his other arm, “it’s okay. Just tell me.”

Jonathan looked down at the bulky camera in his hand, all prepped for Will and his friends. He was using his own Pentax MX, but he was fidgeting with it knowing he had to go to Hawkins middle school soon to prep for the dance itself. He was going to be the photographer, while Nancy… was going to be there too. 

Will looked up and saw the worry in his mom’s eyes, glancing over to see Jonathan flipping his camera cover on and off, knowing that this whole thing was just wasting their time. He knew how much work they both had put in for Will for tonight, and he couldn’t just let them down.

“I’ll go.” 

Joyce chuckled, losing her grip on her son, while Jonathan stopped fidgeting and looked up at his brother, forming a small smile in gratitude. 

“But…” Will continued.   


“What is it? Do you need help with the tie? Because I’ll do it all for you, and make sure your hair is all perfect.” Joyce said, running her fingers through his hair to fix it.    
  
“No, no. It’s just… I don’t know how to dance.” he paused, lifting his head up slowly before sighing. 

“Oh, that’s no problem! Right Jonathan!” Joyce insisted, looking up at Jonathan, who was just the slightest bit confused by her question.

And as Will perked up in a smile, his mom and brother retreated to the other room, ready to put on some holiday music to bring up the mood. 

\---

~ _ Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock! _ ~

As Jingle Bell Rock was playing on their stereo, Joyce helped a now dressed Will with his deemed issue. As Joyce held her son and swayed from side to side, she laughed, thinking of what a natural her son was at this and how he would get all the girls. 

“Yeah, you got it. See!” she remarked, swaying him across the room to the beat. 

“Mom!” 

“Wow!” she laughed, enjoying the dance more than Will as if she was at her own Snow Ball in their home. 

“Do you always have to be filming everything” Will implored to his brother, who was recording everything on his JVC to Will’s annoyance.   
  
“No, no. Just the good stuff.” Jonathan teased, knowing his brother probably didn’t want to watch this embarrassing video of himself 10 years later. 

Slightly bewildered by the whole thing, Will questioned his mom’s confidence in teaching her son to dance. 

“Are you sure people still dance like this?” 

“Yeah, it’s just what’s happening.” He wasn’t so sure she knew what she was talking about.

Will found the whole thing amusing, asking his brother, “Is it what’s happening?” fully knowing that neither his mom nor brother would tell him if he looked like a fool. 

“Yeah, yeah. It’s what’s happening” Jonathan remarked, too focused on capturing Will’s ambitious moves. 

“Well tell you what honey, you’re going to impress all the girls with your moves!” Joyce chuckled, and Will just smiled.    
  
“Thanks mom. And no thanks to you!” He went up to hit his brother on the arm when the doorbell went off. 

“Oh! It must be Mike and the others! Jonathan get your camera ready!”

And it dawned upon Will that maybe tonight would be fun. 

So Mike and Lucas both came in, one arriving right after the other, having already had their own pictures taken. Will could tell they were probably as irritated as him with having their pictures taken.   


“Where’s Dustin?” Jonathan motioned for them to stand next to each other, Will standing in the middle with the other two cowering taller over him. 

“He already had a ride and said he would get pictures at the dance. We don’t even know what he’s wearing, but he said he was going to look like Steve. Oh yeah, that’s his ride!”

Jonathan paused, bringing his camera down. “Steve is taking him? How do they even know each other- never mind, forget I asked.” 

“Come on take the picture!” Mike was starting to get impatient, and Will could tell he was going to be hyper tonight. Suddenly he felt a hand on his lower back, slowly glancing down to see Mike was holding him with a firm grip. Will glanced back up at Mike, but he didn’t seem to notice.

“Hey Will, what funny pose should we do?” Lucas asked next, just as excited as Mike.

“I know! Let’s do that funny couple pose that the high schoolers do at their dances. Like Nancy and Jonathan right!” Mike chuckled, and Jonathan looked up from his camera again to a slight shock. Will had to admit, he did see his brother get closer to Mike’s sister, and found it the slightest bit amusing. 

“Okay so, like this” and before he knew it, Will’s waist was grabbed by Mike from behind, held in the front with a strong grip. “That’s how you do the pose!” Mike really knew what he was doing.   
  
“Hey, what am I supposed to do!” Lucas said crossing his arms.

“Oh don’t you worry, we’ll all be a couple. A thruple!” Mike really was something else today, Will thought, smiling at the thought of Mike and him making up.

Suddenly the hands that were gripped around him were gone and Mike joined Lucas at the back so that Will was in the front with Lucas’s hands around him instead, and Mike was doing the same to Lucas.   
  
“You guys are so weird” Jonathan said.    
  
“Hey!”

“Hey!” Joyce and Will both hollered. 

And a half a roll of pictures later, the gang behind the camera was ready to go to the Snow Ball. 

Will was awfully quiet today, so Mike got his attention by putting his arm around his shoulder. “Lookin’ good, Will the Wise.” he said with a grin forming on his lips.

Will’s heart fluttered that instant, looking up at Mike who was standing at at least a foot taller than him, his brown hair in the flattest of style with soft curls formed at the bottom, his outfit neatly in layers.  _ He looked good in a suit, _ Will thought.  _ Now he looked like a dapper Billy Murray.  _

“Lookin’ good too, Mike.”

\---

They arrived at the Snow Ball a little earlier than everyone else because Jonathan had to set up his camera on his tripod and make sure he looked good enough in his own suit for Nancy.    


“Hey Nance” Jonathan peered, with her being one of the only ones there when they arrived, setting up the snack and punch table. 

“Yeah,  _ hey Nance _ .” Mike enunciated, chuckling. “Whatcha serving up there?”

She bobbed her head to the side, eyeing Mike. “Pure fuel, Michael. Well aren’t you looking good! Mom must’ve helped you then!”

Mike imitated cowering as if to show his sister that he was helpless by himself, before getting up and straightening his brown suit and its collars. “I’ll have you know that mom didn’t have to help me with anything, including the tie!” Mike marched off, with Will and Lucas following behind.

The whole school gym was set up with light blue and white decorations to fit the theme.  _ Snow Ball ‘84 _ . There were blue and white streamers all along the walls with fairy lights, blue and white balloons, blue and white table covers, blue and white snowflakes and confetti, blue and white drapes with more fairy lights, signs all around so middle school kids knew that they were at the one and only Snow Ball, and a disco ball light that was already going around the room to top it all off. And there Will was with his best friend, Mike Wheeler, happy that he finally came.

As they seated themselves at a table in the back, away from the dance floor, Will took in the whole gym. It was actually pretty cool that they set it up to be winter themed for a school dance. He looked over and saw Mike adjusting his tie under his sweater.

“That’s cool, that you did the tie yourself.” Will laughed. Only Mike could do something like that himself.

“Shh, don’t tell Nancy, it’s a clip on I got from the Halloween store! They were on sale since Halloween’s over!” Mike whispered to both Lucas and Will, who had been grinning, yet not surprised by Mike’s impression of confidence. Maybe that’s why Will actually liked Mike’s outfit: because he was just as clueless as him on how to dress for a school dance.  _ Maybe Mike was just as bad at dancing as him. _

As kids and couples came in to flood the gym a half hour later, Will, Mike, and Lucas stayed at their table until Max came, traveling through the gym to find their pack of friends before greeting a jaw dropped Lucas who couldn’t take his eyes off of her. It was cute, actually.

Then Dustin came, with his marvelous teal suit and shirt to match, but a mess of a bird nest in his hair. Maybe Steve “the hair” Harrington really did give Dustin some bad advice during that ride he gave him. For the first time that night, the whole group cracked up together, knowing that at least none of their hair would look as crazy as Dustin’s that night. Just as they were all laughing together, the mood changed and all Will could see was couples grabbing each other at the waist or shoulder and stepping side to side.  _ Mom really didn’t know what she was talking about, did she? _

As Time After Time played, Max grabbed Lucas and trailed off to the dance floor, with the rest of their group fully knowing the feelings those two had for each other. Mike and Dustin looked longingly, but Will couldn’t help but grin at them having their moment,  _ finally _ . 

This was one of his favorite songs, always singing with his mom in the kitchen on Saturday mornings and on the radio when in the car with her, and Will couldn’t help but tap his foot to the slow dance song. _It is a slow dance song after all, I guess_ , Will thought, never thinking about that before. Looking at all the couples dancing together, he looked at Mike from the side of his eye before noticing the saddened expression. _He’s definitely not as hyper as before, I wonder what’s wrong?_ Mike was looking at something. So Will looked over and saw that his eyes were focused on the entrance near where Mr. Clarke had the sign-in table set up. _Oh, he’s waiting for her._

“Hey, Zombie boy.”  _ God, he really hated when people called him that.  _ Will looked over and a girl in an outrageously striped dress had approached him. “Do you wanna dance?” she asserted, almost in an outwardish and rude manner.

Will zoomed up to Mike, not knowing how to answer. “Um, I don’t.. I don’t” he continued stammering, hoping that the answer would come out through Mike’s mouth instead of his own.  _ Oh god, please no. I don’t even know how to dance.  _

Mike just stared at him, with those glistening eyes, glistening not  _ for  _ him but for wanting him to dance with this girl, as if to say,  _ come on Will! Dance with her!  _ And he hit him. But all Will could do was keep stammering.

“I mean.. I mean..” and Mike hit him again. “Yeah, sure!”  _ That couldn’t have been a less enthusiastic yes,  _ Will thought. 

And so he went onto the dance floor and spastically put his hands on the girl’s waist.  _ Zombie boy _ , he thought, when all he wanted to do was to dance with somebody else besides this girl. Never mind that, he would enjoy himself, he told himself.  _ I deserve this, tonight I do. Cyndi Lauper came on for me. Let me have this dance.  _ For once, Will was only thinking about himself and beamed with a smile, knowing that his mom would’ve been proud of him for dancing, let alone dancing with somebody else. 

He kind of got lost in the song, not noticing that Mike had walked away from the table they were sitting at and was wandering, only to come back to the table and sit down in dismay, as if somebody had betrayed him. 

The song changed, the mood changed, and so did something else. He didn’t like this song as much, the singer had a certain high pitched twang to his voice from the band, and Mike went away.

Then she had come, Eleven, in a nice little blue dress, pink eyeshadow, and Will could see clearly. Mike went over to her in a jog, if not a run, eagerly, and all he could think was  _ of course, she came.  _

By this point, Will was no longer in the mood to dance, but he knew Lucas and Max were right near him, so he kept smiling with his hands on his partner’s waist. He couldn’t leave his partner alone in the middle of a song, now could he? He couldn’t get a clear view of Mike, and almost tripped trying to move back towards the outside of the dance floor. The song kept going on and on,  _ god when is this one going to end? It’s so annoying! _

Finally he let go of his partner, not thinking that she was enjoying the dance as much anymore.  _ Honestly, I’m probably doing her a favor from my horrible dancing _ , he thought retreating back to the table before sipping a cup of punch he thought was his, but hoped had been Mike’s. 

With all eyes on Mike and El, he sat down in a chair, head full of thoughts but at the same time, empty.  _ Why couldn’t he just enjoy and have a good time? Why did he worry so much about Mike, of course El was going to come over! He wanted her to! _

And that’s when he saw it happen. The music blasting,

~  _ I keep crying, baby, baby, please.~ _

They kissed.  _ Oh god, they kissed. How could he?! He waited so long, and for what? This kiss? This dance? It’s nothing we never did before! He knew how I felt! He knew! And he knew how much it would hurt me, and that’s why he did it!  _

Will couldn’t process much, and was too distracted to realize that he had been staring at Mike and El dancing for the entirety of the song.  _ And for what? Just so he could tell me that it wasn’t worth it? I trusted him, with everything! Everything!  _

_ Did it mean nothing to him? Telling him everything? He was the only one I could trust, the only one I could tell!  _

And on the verge of tears spilling out from his eyes from right under everybody at that school gym, Will shut his eyes to forget and just remember everything that had happened, between him and Mike.  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what _really_ happened between him and Mike? Next chapter we go back to what Will means, and why he is so hurt.
> 
> Starting a chapter at midnight and publishing at 4 am? More likely than you'd think! Please let me know what you guys thought of this chapter, I welcome all comments! 
> 
> Also, did you guys like those details from S2e9, the episode with the Snow Ball, such as the scene of Joyce teaching Will to dance and the Snow Ball itself? Did a lot of ~researching~ from that episode, and will do the same for upcoming chapters! Have already planned out what's to come, in an attempt to improve my writing, so please leave your thoughts for some motivation! :)
> 
> Come talk to me on my tumblr! @visionssofgideon


	4. Remembering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“I don't know... sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy.”_  
>  _“Me too.”_  
>  _“Hey, well, if we're both going crazy, then we'll go crazy together, right?”_  
>  _“Yeah. Crazy together.”_  
>   
>  Will remembers all the times Mike was there for him, sharing his deepest secret with him, only to forget it again.  
> \---  
> In which there are flashbacks to three times in Will's life, all of which he remembers as both trauma and love.  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has mentions of slurs.

Will Byers had been through a lot, through more than any adult would’ve gone through in their lifetime, let alone any other 14 year old. So when he thought about all the times he felt alone, like nobody was there for him, his best friend Mike was always there. There were times, he’ll admit, he thought he would lose Mike and have him walk away like their friendship never meant anything to him, but Mike was never such a person. So when Will felt the most pain in all the years of their friendship the night of the Snow Ball ‘84, he remembered all the times Mike had been there for him.

\---

When Will Byers was 11 years old, his mom and dad were getting their divorce, and he knew it was coming. He knew they didn’t get along with each other ever since he was a kid, but it still hurt to know that he wouldn’t be able to have a normal family anymore. He loved his mom, but it almost felt like she could’ve done more, because _how bad could’ve dad been?_ They would always be fighting, and his brother Jonathan would make a conscious effort to distract Will from it all. But he always _knew_ that it was going to happen someday.

Sometimes it felt normal, or so he thought. Like that one day Lonnie took him to play baseball just out front of their house. Will didn’t _really_ like playing baseball, he didn’t even know anything about the sport, but he wanted his dad to stay.

It was late spring, and Will had been playing for a couple hours already. As the sweat glistened on the back of his neck, he felt himself shaking while holding the baseball bat above his right shoulder. A tight grip on it, he still felt like the bat was too heavy for him and was slipping, feeling the sweat from his wrapped fingers, aching from having practiced for so long today. _I have to keep playing, for dad._

“Alright Will, come on! I’ve been telling you for the past hour! You gotta be a power-hitter, or you’re never gonna be anything!” his dad yelled, blaring into his face while Will kept his stance. His dad was frustrated, knowing that Will couldn’t even do the basics by hitting the ball.

So he kept his knees locked, his feet two feet apart on the grass like his dad said, and bat in position. He batted, but he didn’t hit the ball. _Oh god._ He knew his dad wouldn't like it.

“WILL! What did I fuckin’ tell you! GOD can’t even hit the fuckin’ ball!” His dad was pacing around on the grass, grunting and moving his arm around in anger, and then he paced over to Will.

He took his son by the collar of his shirt, his eyes full of rage and intent. Will gasped at the sudden hold of his dad’s hand on him. “Listen to me son! Don’t be wasting my goddamn time, you hear me! You can’t even do this, what can ya do? If you can’t do this then get outta here!” his dad screamed into his face, and all Will could do was shudder in fear.

He was sure his mom and brother could hear the scene happening from inside, but he kept batting to make his dad happy. _I’m never going to be able to bat,_ Will thought.

And so he repeated it again, and again. Same stance, two feet apart, bat at shoulder, swinging as hard as he can. Everytime he hit the ball it just went straight into the ground, and he knew he wouldn’t be getting better. That’s when his dad snapped.

“You know what, Will?! You’re such a FUCKIN' PUSSY! That’s what you are! You’re like a sissy! BE A FUCKIN' MAN!” and he marched over to push Will to the ground, knocking the bat out of his hand. Will skidded across the dirt behind him and while his back and elbows scraped until they bled, he let out a quick yell to indicate the pain. It felt like his dad had been waiting to push him, because when he did, he let out a groan similarly and narrowed his eyes at Will, fuming from bottom to top.

“Pussy.” And the words echoed in his mind. _Why would he call me that? I tried so hard, I did everything he said! Played stupid baseball! It’s all a stupid game anyways!_

He tried so hard, _so hard,_ not to cry, because he knew his dad would be mad. But what was the point anymore?

Will used his hands to push up from the dirt, facing away from his dad as he brushed the dirt off his now bleeding hands and elbows. He didn’t want to play anymore and ran back in the house, his dad watching with his hands on his waist. “I don’t want to play anymore!”

“What do you wanna do then, kid?! HUH! Yeah, do what you ALWAYS DO, WILL! Be a pussy and run off!” his dad yelled. “Fuckin kid,” he grunted under his breath before storming back into the house after Will.

Will ran into his bedroom and slammed the door shut, sliding down with his back to the door until he cradled himself between his knees. Once the tears spilled out, he couldn’t stop them. Will bent forward, his arms pressed against the floor with his head between his legs, traces of tears all over his face which felt like it was burning. It felt like somebody had slapped him over, and over, and _over_ again. He felt his nails dig into his palms as he clenched his hands into fists, stinging with each second like a real burn. As he tried to stay quiet, each stream of tears left him panting heavily, gasping for air like it was suffocating him from the inside out. Each gasp left him swallowing for more air, only to have a thick lump form in the back of his throat and hurt like a sore throat taking hold. As his gasps deepened, his whole body shook to the rhythm of his crying, just like a baby crying at night for its mother’s touch.

But when his mom knocked on Will’s door, Will just stayed there, paralyzed and shaking with grief, blocking her passageway to him.

“Will? Will, sweetie, what happened?”

And then he heard Lonnie come into the house, slam the front door, start yelling, and his mom ran to the kitchen to start one of their fights again.

Will’s stream of tears slowed down and he slowly lifted his head up from between his knees. He looked up at his bed, which was left the way it had been with him in it before his dad came earlier that day. Comic books were left open and his super comm was next to his pillows, with his blanket pushed up against his pillow for him to sit upright. He was going to read his new “X-Men” comic before his dad came back from his new place, making Will play baseball even though he hated it.

He could hear his mom and dad go back and forth from the other room, their yells getting loud enough for him to hear what they were saying.

“What? What’s that supposed to mean Lonnie?

“You know what I said!”

His mother’s voice lowered to an almost whisper, and Will opened his door to an inch and put his head between the gap. It was almost inaudible until-

“-what’re you saying? What? What, that just because he’s scrawny and doesn’t want to play your stupid ball game with you that he’s a queer?” Joyce’s voice went up in pitch, almost like she couldn’t believe what Lonnie had just called her son.

Will’s stomach dropped. “Queer.” _Dad called me that?_

And his dad whispered too, or so it seemed. “I don’t know Joyce… it’s not normal! He’s different, even Jonathan wasn’t like him!”

Will heard his mom gasp, before exploding again. “You took Jonathan out shooting and he cried FOR A WEEK!”

“Yeah! So what?”

“Will’s no different, Lonnie! He’s just a kid!”

Lonnie started again, slamming the countertop and knocking something to the floor.

“A kid?! A fucking kid could do more than him! A kid?”

“Yeah, a kid! He’s sensitive and you can’t just throw him around and make him do whatever you want!”

“ _Throw_ him around? He’s not a kid! You know what he is! HE'S A FAG, IS WHAT HE IS! You can’t _bear_ the thought that Will’s a fuckin’ fag!”

There was silence for a second, and Will could not believe his ears. Now he knew why his mom wanted his dad to go away. _Why would he call me that? What did I even do?!_

From silence, yelling erupted again, and another hand slammed the countertop.

“WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL MY SON?!”

“Oh! Your son! Okay Joyce!”

“Yeah, he’s _my_ fucking son!”

While his parents continued, Will covered his ears and shut his eyes. He didn’t want to hear anymore of it. _I’m done!_

So he stood up, slammed the door, and jumped into his bed. He was sure his parents could hear from the other room because of the silence that lasted a few seconds, before the kitchen erupted into yells again. He wasn’t sure if he could handle this anymore, so he put in a tape his brother made for him and turned the dial all the way so it would blast the music.

_~Should I stay or should I go now?_   
_If I go, there will be trouble_   
_And if I stay it will be double~_

He stayed on his bed, not crying, not angry, but not okay. What could he do? _Why would he call me that? I hate him! I hate me! Why am I like this! Why am I not normal? Why couldn’t I just be like Jonathan, like mom, like the others? Why couldn’t I just be like Mike-_

_Mike._ Mike. The super comm was still on near him, and Will could hear a whirring sound come from it.

“Will- Will! Will, you there? Will, do you copy?”

While the super comm went off, Will stayed on his bed staring at it. _What’s the point in picking up? Mike would say the same thing dad always said if he knew. Call him a fag, a queer._

“Will! Come on, I got a new campaign we can work on. Do you copy?”

And as Will stayed sitting on his bed, the music blasting inches from him to blind everything else around him but the sound of the super comm, he wiped his face and sniffled before clearing his throat, picking up the super comm, and turning the dial.

“Yeah, I copy.”

\---

When Will Byers was 13 years old and it was the summer of 1984, Will was pushed to the ground and made to face reality. It had been a few months since Will had come back from the Upside Down and Eleven had disappeared after defeating a demogorgon, and would be a few months before the mind flayer possessed Will and took him to hell and back. But what Will didn’t know was that he would feel more alone than he ever felt in between.

When Will came back to Hawkins, everybody was shocked. “Zombie Boy,” they called him, only to talk to him less than before. He was the miracle boy that came back from the dead, but nobody cared about the fact that he was alive. He could still be _dead_ and people would care the same.

_Why didn’t I just stay in the Upside Down? It would’ve been easier that way._

Even his own friends treated him differently, staring at him everytime he was dropped off by his brother or mom at the arcade or Mike’s house. He could feel their eyes glaring at him, wondering if he was normal ever since coming back from the Upside Down. And his own mom and brother couldn’t trust him, _god, they can’t even let me pee by myself in the bathroom without barging in wondering where I went! Can’t I just have a second to myself!_

_Everybody is treating me like a kid! I just want to do something by myself or with Mike and the others without feeling like I’m the weird one out!_ Will couldn’t help but feel like it was all his fault, for going into the Upside Down.

He started spending more time by himself. Sure, he still hung out with his friends and played D&D or went to the arcade, but he couldn’t go anywhere without being driven by someone else. He had a long summer ahead of him, so he decided he would take up reading again.

Horror and science fiction books had always been his favorites. He was definitely ahead of his grade level and could get lost in any book. In fact, he started reading Stephen King just last year, and even though they were scary just like when he was in the Upside Down, they made him feel _different._ It’s like, he had been through something really bad, but at least he knew he would never be Louis in Pet Sematary.

_If mom knew what I was reading, she would freak!_ So Will would have his mom drop him off at the Hawkins Public Library after lunch and he would spend all afternoon there reading King. The same place where the demogorgons dragged him off to and made him certain he was going to die at the Upside Down was now his new place. It felt comforting to know that Ms. Marissa was just a desk away and he didn’t have to have his mom with him every waking minute.

His mom would ask him, “What did you read today?”

“Oh, there were some new comics that came out and I wanted to get a head start on them,” Will lied.

“Why don’t you get a library card and check some out! Then I don’t have to leave you alone for so lo-”

“Mom, it’s okay! I’m not going to go anywhere. I promise.”

And as his mom sighed and let him go to the library everyday, Will would read book after book, with his head snug between them in one of the sofa chairs. With every flip of the page, Will felt like he was in the story. It all felt too real, sometimes looking up every few minutes to what he thought was the sound of a demogorgon, afraid that it would get him from the next aisle of fiction. But he knew he was safe at the library, it was his safe haven.

Before leaving for the library on this particular day, Will gathered up the courage to ask his mom. He could feel his stomach rolling on itself, nervous that his mom would get angry at him for asking such a thing.

“Mom, can I bike to the library?”

So for the first time in what seemed like a _long_ time, Will biked on his own to the library. He was so excited, but had one less hour at the library today.

“Be back by 4 pm, mister! And ask the lady at the desk to call home if you want me to pick you up!”

“Okay mom! Can I go now!”

_Finally free,_ Will thought. As Will biked through Cherry Lane and onto Main Street, he felt the heat of the summer on his skin, sweat trickling down his back, and his bangs sticking to the wetness of his forehead. _So worth it,_ biking for the first time in what seemed like forever.

Today he would be ambitious and pick a book he never heard of, one of the older ones. As he walked through the aisles of fiction, his fingers brushed against the spines of the hardback covers, looking through the titles. As he made his way over to the K’s, he stopped at the same end of the aisle he always ended up at. _King._

He started reading Mr. King’s Firestarter that day, and it sounded a lot like what Dr. Owens told him. The main characters had those powers Eleven had, what did they call them? _Tele- telekinetic? Telekinesis? And there was an experiment behind it all too._ Now _that_ felt all too real. But oh how he wished he could be like Charlie in the book, throwing fireballs. _Imagine that, huh? Will the Wise throwing an actual fireball._

This was a big book and he knew he couldn’t finish it in one sitting. _Maybe mom wouldn’t care, it’s not that scary like Pet Semetary._ So heavy he had to carry it with both arms, Will carried it to the desk and slumped the book on the desk. Ms. Marissa just looked down at Will from below her glasses in confusion.

“Can I help you, Will?”

“One book to check out please, Ms. Marissa.”

Ms. Marissa let out a small chuckle, happy that the little boy was finally taking out a book. “Now don’t you think that’s just a bit too grown up for you.” she questioned, glancing at the author.

Will paid no mind to her, ignoring her and waiting until she wrote the book in her records to grab it and hug it, almost to protect it.

“What time is it?”

“Well, it’s a quarter to 4, honey.”

_Shit._

Will ran out to his bike, dropping the book in his basket before he heard footsteps approaching him from the sidewalk. It was too late when he turned around because he was pushed on top of his bike. _Troy._

“Hey fairy! Or zombie boy! If that’s what they call you nowadays!” Troy was here with James, but Will hadn’t seen them since before the events of last winter.

His book had been knocked to the ground, and as Will reached over to pick it up Troy was already on the other side.

“Not here with your buddies today? Not even that shaved freak here to save you? You know, I should kill you for what she did to me.”

_Eleven._ Will glared up at Troy, fearful of the older boy looking down at him with his piercing eyes, as if he didn’t even have to do anything to make Will cry.

_Shit. Shit! I should’ve let mom pick me up! Shit!_

Will crawled back on the pavement, his palm bleeding from the fall while touching the earth below him burning from the scorching heat. Shuddering from the thought of what Troy would do to him, he blinked rapidly and started hyperventilating right there.

“What’s the problem? Afraid you don’t have any of your friends with you? Where's frogface, huh!" As Will crawled back he let out the slightest whimper as Troy walked towards him, before James picked him up from his arms behind him and held him in his fists. Will tried to kick back but couldn't get out of the strong hold, groaning in pain as his arm stayed and writhed behind him.

"You're not getting out of this, Byers. Not even your boyfriend's here."

That's when Will stopped whimpering and fumed. His face turned hot and he could feel his heart pumping out of his chest.

"You could be gay with the others, but they're not even here to help you out! They're not even here!" Troy let out a laugh, his eyes wide with menacing thought.

"You and Wheeler, walking to fairyland together, ain't that right!" Troy shouted at his face, before Will grunted, taking all the energy and power he had to let out a kick near him.

"Go fuck yourself Troy!"

Never having said anything like that, even Will was shocked at his own words. But what he saw in Troy was rumbling with terror, ready to rip him to shreds.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME BYERS?!"

Before he knew it, he was back on the ground with a bloody nose and face full of blue and black, regretting ever having come to the library.

"Give this to your boyfriend!" Troy shouted, picking up the red hardcover book and pulling out the pages by bunches, ripping them out so fast that before Will could yell out half the book had been torn out and thrown at him.

"NO! Stop!! Stop it!" Will cried out from the ground, unable to get to his feet before the shreds of pages were at his feet and being blown away by the slight breeze. The book was ruined, and Will felt even more broken.

As Troy and James ran away, Will slowly picked himself up from the pavement and looked at the pages of the now desecrated book, lying open on its spine with the rips traveling all through. Will, still shaking, picked up the pages one by one, the blood from his palms smearing on them. As the tears spilled out and fell onto the pages, Will kept picking the pages up, trying to mend them back together. He held the book and stuffed the pages in, one by one, trembling from his breath. Unable to pick up all the pages with his shaking fingers, they kept slipping out. It didn't feel like Will was in control of his body anymore. It was just like in the Upside Down, when he was all alone and hidden, losing sense of all feeling in his body from his fingertips to body, paralyzed and nearly unconscious in the situation. It's like he couldn't even move if he wanted to, and just fell back onto the ground bashing his knees. He fell on the pages and just let go of the book, slamming his hands as fists into the ground, repeating until his knuckles were stripped of its flesh and replaced with fresh blood. _This is what he deserved._

It wasn't until 10 minutes later when Ms. Marissa noticed Will's wasted body laying on the pavement next to the bike rack of the library, that she called Joyce Byers to rush over.

"Honey! Baby, oh my god! WILL!"

\---

It had been 6 days since Troy pushed him down and he owed the library too much money to ever go back, when Mike came over.

“Can I talk to Will? I’m worried about him.” Will heard a stern voice echo from the other room. Before he could get up to shut his door his mom knocked and peeked at him from behind the door.

“Mike’s here, Will. I think he really wants to talk to you.”

Will glanced over at his mom before looking away back at his bed, as if something had left him in discomposure.

“Will…” his mom walked over and placed a hand on his shoulder softly. “I think _you_ should talk to him.”

After a moment of contemplation, Will nodded and his best friend walked through the door. Will didn’t want to explain himself, but he didn’t want Mike to think something had happened between them either. _I just, don’t want him to know. Not now, not yet. I’m not ready._

Mike knew the bruises on Will’s face weren’t just from falling or a simple biking accident. So Will let out a sigh, closed his eyes and bunched up his face to brace for what he was going to do. And he told him.

“Wait? This was by that ASSHOLE?”

And all Will could do was nod.

“I’m gonna.. I’m gonna.” Mike repeated, looking sporadically from Will to anything else back to Will, a tense look on his face. His eyebrows scrunched up from worry to confusion, and then his eyes widened in anger, twitching like Mike was the one that had been wronged.

“I’m gonna KILL HIM!” Mike shouted, filled with a motionless fume arising from him, yet energy compacted into him pushing himself off the bed.

Will blinked as the words struck him before pushing Mike back down to the bed and beckoning him to calm down. “Mike… Mike, calm down!” Will pushed Mike down, his voice halfway between a cry and whisper.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t… I didn’t want you to know, you would get mad at me!” Will paused, looking at Mike while his eyes welled up again.

“Why would I get mad at you! I would’ve been there for you!”

“I shouldn’t have biked alone, it’s all my fault! This is why mom drives me, I’m always doing this to myself! This always happens to me!”

After a moment, Mike started, “I… Will, this isn’t your fault. Dude, Troy? He’s just an asshole!”

“I know, but…”

“But what! Ever since El broke his arm, he didn’t come after us. He’s just after you because you weren’t there for a week!”

Will looked up in confusion, stuttering, “Wait, Eleven- Eleven did what?”

“I’m telling you! If El was there, she would’ve ripped him to PIECES!”

“Yeah but Mike-” Will reached out to touch Mike’s arm.

“Mike, what?! Why didn’t you tell me! Stop acting like this is your fault! You can’t just let assholes be assholes to you!” Mike shrugged him off.

And as Will thought he couldn’t explain to Mike what was really bothering him, he just looked away and let Mike cool down. _He’ll never understand._

After a moment of silence, Mike bounced on the bed again, shifting his weight to face his friend. “Will… look dude. You know you can tell me anything, right? I mean, I called everyday. I just wanna know you’re okay.”

Will nodded, looking his friend in the eyes. At that moment, his face bore the look of a truth bearer, innocent and void of emotion.

And so he told his friend everything. Mike of course knew that kids like Troy had called him a fairy, queer. He once pushed Troy in front of Eleven and the whole school because he had had enough. But they were all just stupid, mean kids. So when Will told him what Lonnie used to call him, remembering all that he said that last day he was home to play baseball with him those two years ago, Mike was speechless. His jaw didn’t even drop, he just couldn’t believe it. _Oh my god, Will’s dad said that? What an asshole! What- But why didn’t he tell me?_

“Will… man I don’t know what to say… I’m so sorry your dad was like that.” Mike shook his head, like he had to imagine it happening in real life to believe it. “I get why you didn’t want to tell me, but honestly… it’s okay!”

“No, Mike, it’s not that.”

“Huh?”

“I… It’s not because of that.”

“Will, I told you it’s not your fault!”

“NO but it is! You don’t understand!” Will snapped, punching his bed to Mike’s alarm.

“Then what is it?!” Mike demanded.

“It’s like… you know what Troy used to call me. And my dad…. They were right.”

“What? I don’t-”

“Mike, I… it’s- it’s like…”

Will swallowed hard on himself, feeling his throat dry up from not talking without stammering in every sentence. He let out a dry cough before clearing his throat to start again.

“I’m one of them.”

“... I don’t follow.” Mike looked genuinely confused, and as Will looked at every one of his features, he remembered why he thought he could trust him in the first place. Those freckles, those brown flattened curls, and those soft features of his which made him look like an angel. His soft hands, which Will touched with his hands.

“It’s like this…” Will went to explain, but then something inside him just took charge. It’s like, everything was out of his control again, but this time in a different way. And so as his hand moved up from Mike’s hand to his face, he took hold of Mike and looked at his lips, back to his eyes, and then the whole world went blank.

The kiss between them was short lived, but it wasn’t just a little pecker. Will pressed his lips against Mike’s, not knowing what to do, but he did it anyways. His whole face was snuggled into Mike’s, and for those few, brief seconds, or what seemed like an eternity. He could feel his face flushed and stinging, like all the blood was just rushing to his face in that moment, and was sure Mike could feel the warmth of the heat beneath him. And from there, Will could smell the product from his ever growing hair, which he just wanted to run his fingers through. His nose pressed against Mike’s own, their faces not exactly positioned for the kiss, appearing to the outside eye as the kiss of an amateur. And that’s what he was, because while his lips were pressed flatly against Mike’s, plunged into a fantasy with his friend, his heart diving into the depths of his unknown feelings, his mind wandering into unutterable futures for which could be, Mike pushed back and sat on the bed.

Will looked up at Mike, and his heart dropped at the expression his friend had. _Oh, no. Oh god, what did I just do! Oh, shit! Shit, shit, shit!_

“Oh.” was all Mike said, and Will thought he would grimace and storm off without even looking at his friend to say his last goodbye, disgusted with him. _Why would he understand? I’m disgusting! I can’t believe I kissed him! He’ll hate me! He’ll hate me! He’ll hate me!!!_

“Will! Will, it’s okay!” Will heard Mike press, before realizing that he must have been emoting his thoughts on his face.

“Will… I like you.” Mike immediately said, gulping to what seemed like a revelation was about to leave his lips.

_He… he likes me?_

“I… I don’t… I-”

“Will, seriously, it’s okay. I mean… I wish you’d told me earlier.”

_Wait._

“You’re… you’re okay with this?”

Mike knew his friend was probably struggling with emotions, he always did. They were both so young, but he knew that this must’ve been hard for Will to even think about telling him. He knew Will thought he would lose him, but he would never! He was so glad to have a best friend like Will, and he couldn’t even imagine going through school and life without him by his side. _I mean, this is probably what El felt like when I kissed her. And, this wasn’t bad._ The images of Will’s face right before the kiss flashed by him, his face showing an equally longingness and pain for somebody, and he knew the love his best friend had for him all along. How could Will have thought this was his fault?

“Will. Of course I am! This is not your fault, do you understand? You’re just like…” and Mike took a serious look at Will. _He’s normal. He’s just like Bowie, like Prince._ “Bowie! You listen to him, don’t ya!” Mike gave Will a playful punch.

Mike knew, that deep inside, he always loved his best friend. That Will Byers was the first person he shared feelings with, the first person he played with, and the first person to tell him such a deep secret about him. And for that, Mike felt more love for his best friend than he ever had. It was, like how he and El were. The same love for both of them, just not at the same time. But he knew he couldn’t let his friend go without assuring him that he would always be his best friend. _This didn’t change anything._

“Will, you’re my best friend, and I don’t regret any of that. I…” Mike sighed, finding it hard to say what he felt. “I want you to know, you can tell me anything. You’ll _always_ be part of the party… You’ll always be my best friend, okay?”

After a while, Will finally spoke. “Okay…” and a smile formed on his lips. _He was okay with this. He’s okay with me. He knows. Finally._

Though the two of them never talked about the kiss again, they felt more connected to each other after the event, like there were two strings connecting their hearts to each other’s, braided to form a strong bond that couldn’t be broken between them.

The two best friends joined in a hug and embraced, their heads resting on each other’s shoulders, taking consolation in each other’s friendship, their hearts beating as one, forgetting about all the pains they had received and replacing it with the ease of love.

\---

When Will was 13 years old and it was Halloween of 1984, he started getting visions of the mind flayer again. Except this time, it more bigger, darker, and more evil than anything he ever saw in the Upside Down.

One minute he was trick or treating with his friends, walking up the hill of mansions at Loch Nora, strutting like a Ghostbuster with his proton pack on his back, bag of candy in one hand and recording in the other, and the other he was back in the Upside Down, the street empty and dark, blurry vision, cold and windy, and a shadow following him.

“Watch it, zombie boy!”

“Trick or treat, freak!”

“Boo!” and Will fell onto his back, knocking the camcorder out of his hand.

“Mike? Mike!” His heart was beating out of his chest, the air around him compressed to a chill and the sky and street flashed into a dark blue-black alternate reality. _The Upside Down._

This time, instead of demogorgons, a huge figure, darker than the night, appeared from the starless sky, invading every empty space with its rumbles as it came for him.

He ran as fast as he could, going through the entrance to find a hiding spot. He could see it- the shadow monster. It followed him, engulfing everything in its way, and as he ran faster and faster and hid behind a brick barrier, Will hoped it wouldn’t get him. He crouched down and shut his eyes, rocking back and forth in fear of what would happen to him. _It isn’t real. It isn’t real. You’re trick or treating. You’re not in the Upside Down. Mike’s going to get you any minute. Oh my god, it’s coming!_

“WILL! Will, what’s wrong! I couldn’t find you!”

It wasn’t until later when Mike had taken Will home that he finally realized he was back in reality, out of the Upside Down. He still felt out of it, like what was happening around him just wasn’t _real._ It couldn’t be, Mike was here with him now.

Mike helped him calm down by spilling out all their candy and doing what he did best- doing the most ridiculous thing just to make him smile. And as they munched on their hard earned candy from the night, Will couldn’t help but think about what had happened that night.

_It wasn’t real, but it felt so, so real. I was there again. It was going to get me. I felt it._

“It’s like… like I’m stuck.” He couldn’t explain it. And Mike wouldn’t get it anyways.

Mike interjected anyways. “Like, like stuck in the Upside Down?”

“No…” Will sighed, knowing that it was impossible for Mike to even imagine it. He was so normal, and Will was just so, _not._ “You know on a View-Master, when it gets, like…”

“-caught between two slides?” _Mike did know._ He knew his best friend more than anybody in the world.

“Yeah, yeah! Like that. Like… one side’s our world, and the other…” His hands shaking, he felt like it would come for him any minute again. _I don’t want it to. I don’t want this anymore._ “...the other slide is the Upside Down. And… and there was this noise… coming from everywhere.” He was back there, standing in the middle of the street of the Upside Down. He felt paralyzed with fear. He could feel himself trembling, and he couldn’t stop the feeling.

“And then I saw something.”

“The demogorgon?”

“No…”

Will couldn’t explain it. No matter how much candy he had, how many times Mike cracked a joke, he couldn’t get rid of this feeling. Like something was _eating_ him up from the inside out. He just imagined it, like it was happening all over again. Something lurking in the sky, above him, alive and coming for him. And Mike was no where.

“Is this all real? Or is it like the doctors say, all in your head?

“I don't know. Just... just please don't tell the others, okay? They won't understand.” The same thing he told Mike that day a few months ago, when with his bruised face and swollen lips, he and Mike embraced in a hug. _I trust him._

“Eleven would.” Mike started.

“She would?”

“Yeah… she always did.”

_Maybe if Eleven was here, she could tell me why this was happening. Why any of this is happening._

“Sometimes I feel like I still see her. Like, she's still around, but she never is.... ”

Will knew his friend was feeling the same type of confusion he had been going through. Mike had told him all about Eleven, and he knew that Eleven was good for him, he did, really. But a small part of him couldn’t help but wonder what Mike would’ve felt if he had never gone into the Upside Down and Eleven never showed up.

“I don't know... sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy.” _He has no idea._

“Me too.”

“Hey, well, if we're both going crazy, then we'll go crazy together, right?” Mike chuckled.

Will knew then and there that Mike thought he was going through the same thing as him, but the difference was the feelings Will had were different than Mike’s. Mike was always there for him, _I mean look at all the candy wrappers in front of them._ Will couldn’t help but let out a laugh even as his eyes welled up with tears.

“Yeah. Crazy together.”

Will was happy again, after a long time. Mike was there with him, and that was all he needed. He was yet to go through the worst, with the mind flayer going in him and ruining anything left of him with its depravity, but he could always count on Mike saving him at the end of the day. When he was in pain, feeling the mind flayer _everywhere_ inside him, Mike was there. When Will woke up from the mind flayer gone from him, Mike was there. So he never expected, in all of the nights, that at the Snow Ball ‘84, Mike wouldn’t be there with him, but with El.

Remembering every time Mike came on his walkie talkie, every time Mike visited him and made his mom let him in, every time Mike tapped his shoulders at school to tell him something before he told Lucas or Dustin, every time Mike passed him a note in class, every time his freckled face looked at his in awe when Will didn’t know what he was thinking, every time, _every time._ Almost like a revelation, it came to him.

_I have to forget._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well guys, this chapter is a long one! I spent a while on it, and it is my longest yet, but I hope I didn't lose you! It took a lot to think of how to write the three events in Will's life thus far, but I felt they were all important. Hopefully you see some of the mentions to canon, like Will's dad making him play baseball and the tape Jonathan made for him, Troy calling him slurs, and Halloween as seen in s2. This is the last chapter with a major flashback/recollection to Will's past, with the next chapter taking place in season 3 onwards. 
> 
> Thank you so much for over 1k notes! Oh gosh, it means the world to me for my first major fic! Please leave comments and let me know how I'm doing, I hope I didn't disappoint on this chapter! Anything and everything is appreciated!
> 
> Hoping that if I have chapters this long, I can crank one out every week if not sooner, but shorter chapters can be posted on a more occasional basis- let me know what you guys enjoy! 
> 
> Come talk to me on my tumblr: visionssofgideon :)


	5. Under Pressure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _~ Mmm num ba de_  
>  _Dum bum ba be_  
>  _Doo buh dum ba beh beh_  
>  _Pressure, pushing down on me, pressing down on you, no man ask for._  
>  _Under pressure, that burns a building down, splits a family in two, puts people on streets. ~ ___  
> \---  
>  In which Will feels the pressure of conversation and people, continuing to struggle with his identity.

The fan had been blowing by his feet, and despite the summer heat roasting the hell out of the basement, Will always had a blanket on him. It could be burning in the room and he wouldn’t sleep without one. In fact, he was the only one in the entire room to have a blanket with him, sleeping on one end of the sofa with his body covered neck to toe with the blanket. It’s like, even if the fan was blowing directly at him, his whole body would be sweaty from covering himself in the blanket, like a child who still clung to their favorite blankie, as if to protect themselves from something.

But Will knew he was safe and as he held the blanket against him inhaling the scent of one of the Wheelers from the blanket, he awoke from a deep slumber on this one particular summer day.

He was still groggy and wasn’t even sure what time it was, really. All he heard was a thump, and his body gave out like somebody had shaken him awake. As his eyes refused to open, glued shut from hours of sleep, he awoke and slowly peeled open his lids to reveal that it wasn’t Lucas at the food of the sofa who was awake. No, _somebody had bumped into something._

Will let out a small moan in between a yawn and whimper, as if to let whoever was awake know that he wanted to go back to sleep. He turned towards the room to see who it could be. As his eyes opened into slits, just slim enough to get a view of what was before him, he saw more people in a deep sleep. Below him there were two heads resting on each other’s shoulders, their backs slumped against the sofa inches from him. The two heads full of flattened curls were so close their hair intertwined into tangled locks of black and brown, obvious that they were not of people who were related but were still close. Their bodies were similarly intertwined, with their arms around each other but also spread, in a deep sleep from exhaustion. _Not awake there either._

As Will dug his elbows into the sofa to bring himself up against the sofa, he turned his head to another thump. 

“Ow. Piece of shit!” A whisper came from the side of the basement, where Will saw Dustin’s lowered body touching his toe.

“Du-Dustin?”

“Oh snap, I’m sorry buddy! Didn’t mean to wake you there. You can go back to sleep!” Dustin turned to whisper, almost coming to a low voice as if to caution Will that he was fine. 

Still a little dazed, Will cleared his throat, only to have the two figures below him shift around a little in each other’s arms before stilling their movement again. He was almost afraid he awoke them too.

“Wait… what-what time is it?”

Dustin pulled his watch out of his backpack in a surprise, having forgotten to put it on. “Oh right! It’s almost 8 am, Will. I gotta go. Today’s the day I’m leaving for camp, remember? I didn’t want to wake all of you, but I gotta get home and make sure I’m all packed.”

_Wait, what? It’s 8 am!?_

Will threw the blanket off him, hitting Lucas’s body with it before Will widened his eyes in realization, finally awake. _Oh, shit! Mom’s going to freak!_

“Will, it’s okay! I just have to leave-” Dustin spoke out loud for the first time in the morning, before Will cut him off.

“No, it’s not that! My mom’s gonna freak out!”

“What? Will, dude, it’s summer!”

“I know… I just have to get home too.”

Dustin looked around, his backpack in one hand with the other hand in motion as if to beckon Will to get on with it.

“Okay, well hurry up so we can leave together!”  
  
Will nodded quickly, before jumping off the bed, being careful not to hit Lucas or the two below him. As he stood up next to the sofa, he fully came to his senses and realized the two heads that were leaning against the brown, patterned sofa were Mike and El. He glanced at them for longer than he should have, seeing their faces both pale, soft from slumber, El’s right arm laid across Mike’s chest with his own hand holding her by the wrist. El’s head was on top of Mike’s left shoulder, with Mike’s head resting above her’s. There they were, together as usual, and they were never apart. _Is she even allowed to spend the night here?_ Will thought, _Chief Hopper is so strict, does he even know about this?_

Will knew he was spending too long looking at the scene when he heard Dustin shuffle behind him. Turning around, he knew Dustin probably caught him staring at his best friend and his best friend’s girlfriend, if that’s what they were now. So he quickly picked up his backpack and shoved his feet into his sneakers and even reached over to brush the blanket off Lucas’s body so he wouldn’t awake wondering how it landed on him.

“Okay, let’s go.”

As Dustin attempted to go up the basement into Mike’s house, the creak of the wood made it much less obvious of the sneak out they were attempting. _Kind of like, a walk of shame for friends who spent too long at their friend’s house,_ Will thought.

As Will made his way up the stairs behind Dustin, he glanced back at the single Lucas sleeping on the sofa with his mouth wide open, who was currently single after his fifth breakup with Max. _Five times? It’s a record, really._ Will chuckled, looking at Mike and El, whose relationship seemed stronger than it had ever been. It had only been a few months since El came back and they reunited, but it seems that the Snow Ball really did patch things up between the two. In fact, it was okay for Will. Will knew this was best for Mike, and that Mike really did like El. 

Coming up the stairs, Will sighed to a quiet house, hoping he wouldn’t be caught by the Wheelers, no thanks to the extremely loud Dustin. It seemed like the coast was clear, neither their upstairs nor downstairs making any sign of presence. 

“Boys, are you awake?” Steps came from the kitchen as a woman’s voice called out for Dustin and him. _Shit, I was wrong._

“Oh, heyy Mrs. Wheeler!”

“Boys! What are you doing up, are you leaving already?” 

“Yeah, well I have to get going because I’m leaving for camp today!” As Dustin continued, Will just smiled back at her. Karen Wheeler smiled, and Will felt a sense of comfort. Mrs. Wheeler was always so nice, almost like Will’s second mother. As she spoke, her eyes shifted from Dustin to Will, lingering on Will longer with a soft turn of the lips. He knew that Mike’s mom probably knew that Will hadn’t actually “come back from the dead” like everybody used to say, but she never questioned it either. She didn’t treat him weirdly either, or like he was a poor boy, unlike-

“Well, well, look who it is! Dustin.” _Mr. Wheeler._

Like the energy shifted in the room, _it’s not that big of a deal Will. Just ignore him._

Dustin straightened his posture as if to greet Mike’s dad. “Mr. Wheeler. Hi.” His voice went kind of robotic and Will sensed Dustin’s nervousness. _So I’m not the only one, huh._

“Nice to see you. And you Will…” And as Mr. Wheeler shifted his gaze over to him, he could feel his eyes seering through him, as if he was analyzing everything about him. His clothes, his hair, the sweat on his upper lips for god’s sake, he probably could tell Will didn’t like him! 

“Hi, Mr. Wheeler.”

And all Mr. Wheeler did was nod, looking at Will from down-up, before walking back to the kitchen with his newspaper. 

“So boys, you’re off then? Should I let Mike and Lucas know?”

“No-”

“No!” Will and Lucas both exclaimed, loud enough that the boys downstairs probably woke up. _Wait, Mike and Lucas? Did Mrs. Wheeler not know about Eleven? Again…_

As she slightly jumped from the reply, Mrs. Wheeler just let out a chuckle. “Oh, okay boys! Well, do you want to at least stay for breakfast?”

Dustin bit his lip, and Will could tell he just wanted to leave. So he spoke up.

“No Mrs. Wheeler, sorry! Dustin has to go to camp with his mom, and my mom wants me home.”

Mrs. Wheeler just smiled and nodded, saying, “Well, alright then. Get home safe! Have fun Dustin!” and Dustin was halfway out the door when Ted Wheeler interjected from the other room.

“William! Why don’t you stay.”

Startled by the husky voice, Will looked up to Mrs. Wheeler, who just smiled and nodded, again.

“Yes, Will! Joyce didn’t call, I’m sure she wouldn’t mind if you had a little something to eat before you left!”

_If I leave, I’ll feel bad for Mrs. Wheeler and Mr. Wheeler probably would think I don’t like him, which I don’t. But if I stay, then he’s just going to bombard me with questions. Wait, you’re shitting me, Dustin already left?_ Will looked at the front door’s screen as it hit the door, Dustin already having walked off. 

_Might as well._

“So…” Mr. Wheeler’s voice thundered as he shook his newspaper and sat down for breakfast. “How’ve things been, William.”

He beckoned at the seat across from him for Will to sit in, and Will just felt his cheeks flush red again. He didn’t exactly know why, but Mike’s dad just made him so nervous. So as he slid into the chair, he was afraid that the creak of the wood in the chair’s legs would set off the middle aged man across from him. 

Mike had told him about how it seemed like his dad didn’t really care about his kids and just left everything up to Mrs. Wheeler. He thought that all the games they always played were just stupid pieces of “plastic.” _Plastic! I mean, it made so much sense. He’s always so gloomy, but he literally has the perfect family, perfect kids, perfect house._

“Um- um yeah. Good.” Will just nodded and smiled, knowing that the correct answer to Mr. Wheeler’s question was, “Not dead.” 

“So, how’s your summer been! Your mom doing good?” Mrs. Wheeler said as she slid a piece of toast onto Will’s plate.

“Oh, Mrs. Wheeler I don’t need any-” Will continued, before seeing the smile on her face. “Thanks. Yeah it’s good, and she’s good too.”

“Great, I’m glad!” She beamed at Will before turning back into the kitchen.

Hesitant to pick up the toast, Will knew exactly what Mr. Wheeler was thinking about. Probably that he was just eating their food, sleeping at their house, that he spent all his time with Mike when Mr. Wheeler probably didn’t even know about Eleven and couldn’t imagine Mike with a girl, and that Will didn’t just see Mike as a friend. 

As Mrs. Wheeler went to wash some dishes and Mr. Wheeler rustled his papers vigorously, all he could do was chomp on his toast. He could feel Mr. Wheeler's eyes peering at him over his paper, so Will just kept his eyes drawn down as to not make accidental eye contact with Mr. Wheeler. _Now that would be awkward._

"You boys been spending a lot of time together this summer! Are you ready for high school." Mr. Wheeler said, reading his paper.

Oh god. The dreadful thought of high school. Of starting school again where you're the youngest and there's a whole school full of older kids who are gonna pick on you. _Zombie kid._

"Uh, yeah. I mean it's nice to have my brother there too. And Mike said that Mr. Clarke might be transferring to Hawkins High as a science teacher, so we could keep going with AV Club there too."

Mr. Wheeler just let out a "Mhm." and continued reading his paper. Well this was awkward.

"Well, things change don't they. You get to high school and you don't see your friends all that much like in middle school. Mike's been leaving the house a lot again, and I'm sure you had something to do with that. You know high school isn't all fun and games, right William?"

Will stopped chewing. Seriously? Mrs. Wheeler had closed the faucet and Will could tell that she wasn't just wiping a glass dry for a whole minute but was also listening in.

He couldn't help but stutter, because what the hell was he supposed to say to that? "Uh-um yeah, I know that-"

"And you and Mike probably won't be getting to play your silly games anymore. I mean, he has priorities, I hope you know that." This time Mr. Wheeler was looking straight at him.

Will kind of froze in his spot. He couldn't ever handle pressure, especially from somebody else. Mike and him were best friends, they always would be. That didn't mean that he was taking away from Mike. Mike and El had been together ever since she came back and closed the gate. They spent every waking minute together, but of course Mr. Wheeler thought every time Mike was rushing off on his bike every day it was to Will. It used to be, but not anymore. 

Mr. Wheeler placed his paper down and folded his hands. Will gulped, the kind of lump forming in his throat that pained. 

"You need to understand that Mike isn't your responsibility. You don't have to pick up after him. It just makes him more dependent on you like... like.... like you know, a replacement for a girlfriend," he insisted while shaking his hand around, almost pointing at Will accusingly. 

"TED!" Mrs. Wheeler turned around and lashed out.

"What! You know what I mean. Our son has to be a man someday Karen!" Mr. Wheeler near yelled and Mrs. Wheeler just looked at him disappointed, like she couldn't believe what he was saying.

And well, Will just stayed there not knowing how to respond. Because what was he supposed to say? Hey, your son has a secret girlfriend with powers and defeated demogorgons that brought me back from the dead? That the reason that your son doesn't want to spend time at home is because instead of being stuck with his careless dad he goes across town to the police chief's house to swap spit with his daughter that also isn't his daughter? That Mike was the one who helped him figure out that he's different than the others and Mike meant something else to him?

Mr. Wheeler probably knew. That's why he was saying all this, it made so much sense! So when Will opened his mouth to deny what the man across from him was saying, ready to defend himself and his best friend, the only words that came out were "Um."

"How's Joyce? Do you want me to call her up to let you know that you'll be home soon?" 

Mrs. Wheeler had already asked that, and Will could tell she was trying to distract him from her husband's inquiries. 

"No, it's fine, I should head home anyways. She'll be worried about me. Thanks for the toast Mrs. Wheeler!"

"Anytime, Will." Mrs. Wheeler smiled at him as he left the dining room table to get his things. Will knew that Mike's dad probably knew that Will didn't just see Mike as a friend, and whatever it was, Mrs. Wheeler respected. She always helped him out, even when his own mom couldn't be found. Will smiled back, leaving the front door to grab his bike from the garage. 

On the ride back, Will didn't let himself cry. He didn't even let himself feel bad. The words of Mike's dad just repeated over and over again in his head. "Girlfriend. Replacement for a girlfriend." What was that even supposed to mean?

\---

Will’s bike skidded on the dirt and fell onto the side with grass as he pushed it off and ran into his house, hoping his mom wouldn’t be pissed. He never spent the night at Mike’s without his mom knowing, and he didn’t get a chance to call his mom yesterday. They spent the night talking about new games at the arcade like Paperboy on the Atari and how they could get to the end of the week or last level soon. As usual, Lucas wished that Max was there and complained about how she probably would’ve beaten them at the game even though it had just been released, and Mike chimed into the conversation occasionally when El wasn’t whispering something in his ear followed by a quiet laughter shared between them. As they all spent their evening chatting amongst the party with Dustin away at summer camp, Will enjoyed the private discourse of his friends in that dark, warm basement on a hot summer night where they all fell asleep with a magazine or bag of chips in their hands and sweat on their upper lips. 

“Mom! Mom, I’m home!” Will called out. Silence. Usually she would be grabbing him by his cheeks and being all worried about where he was. But she wasn’t even in the room. 

“Mom? Jonathan?” This sounded oddly too familiar and Will had a bad feeling about the whole thing.

Suddenly he heard the tap go off, either in the kitchen or bathroom. So Will slowly walked into the kitchen, expecting his mom to be preoccupied in dishes or something to hear him but she wasn’t. 

Will turned around and saw his mom coming down the hallway drying her hands on her shirt before noticing him. 

“Oh, Will, honey! When did you get here?” _What?_

“Um, just now. I was looking for you.”

“How was last night at Mike’s?” Joyce asked, taking a bowl out of the fridge with what contained lunch, stirring it while looking at Will, waiting for a response.

“Uh, fine. It was fun. Wait, you’re not mad?”

Joyce dipped a finger in what seemed to be chicken salad to give it a taste, and with that finger in her mouth she uttered, “What?” 

“You’re not mad that I stayed over?”

“What?!” Joyce scoffed, as if Will offended her. 

Will was confused. He definitely thought his mom would be mad at not knowing the whereabouts of her son, especially after the events of the past two years. He couldn’t blame her, I mean he was terrified both times, so he couldn’t imagine his mom who was prone to _always_ worrying not knowing about him. 

“Will, I already told you that it’s okay to do things by yourself!” Joyce nodded, not noticing her extremely confused son. “Now, go ahead and change, I gotta go into work today to tidy up some boxes and unpack the last of the packages but I’ll be back by lunch!”

When Will stayed standing here, Joyce recognized the boy’s puzzlement.

“Did… did I do something wrong?” 

“No, I just- just thought you might be wondering about where I was.”

“Ahaha, Will I trust you! Remember what I told you last year?” Though his mom was enthusiastic, Will was still clueless about what she meant and shook his head.

“Look, sweetie. I know the whole halloween ordeal of last year wasn’t your fault. You just wanted to go by yourself, and Jonathan…”

“Jonathan?” 

“Yeah… Jonathan told me that you were sick of us treating you differently, and I didn’t want to make you, well I don’t know, hate me I guess?”

“Mom, what’re you even talking about?”

“Just that I trust you, ya know! I know that you’re always with Mike and I trust him and your friends, that’s true isn’t it?”

Will nodded, because he was always with Mike, if not with the party. Mike’s dad had been right.

“Well then, that’s the end of it! I trust you. I. Promise.” Joyce came over and poked her son’s chest with her finger on the last two words, a smirk forming on her face. “Got it?

“Got it.” Will let out out a little laugh. He was surprised, to be honest, he wasn’t sure his mom would ever let him go out without knowing where he was, especially since he basically lost her almost twice. _But hey, that’s mom!_

“Hey mom, can I go to work with you tomorrow?”

Now this time Joyce was perplexed by Will, this one being a first.  
  
“What? Are you sure you’re not spending time with Mike tomorrow?”

Thinking about what Mike’s dad had said to him that morning, Will thought he should give it some time to cool off before going back to hang with Mike. He didn’t want to have yet another awkward and nerve wracking conversation with the middle aged man. 

“Yeah, I’ll just take my comics and maybe help you out.”

“Oh… okay, well if you’re sure!”

“Cool.” 

Joyce knew this wasn’t normal and when she got a knock on the door from his best friend, she knew something was up. 

\---

_Hot Space - Queen. Including, Under Pressure with David Bowie._

Will put the cassette in his player, skipping to side two, putting on exactly what described him at that moment. He slipped on his headphones, slipping off his sneakers to lie on his bed, closed his eyes, and heard bass strumming, followed by the humming of two of his greatest idols. 

_~_ _Mmm num ba de_

_Dum bum ba be_

_Doo buh dum ba beh beh_

_Pressure,_ _pushing down on me,_ _pressing down on you,_ _no man ask for._

_Under pressure,_ _that burns a building down,_ _splits a family in two,_ _puts people on streets. ~_

For just a few seconds, in a very long time, Will felt at peace. The song explained exactly what he was going through- pressure, something pushing on him, something pressing him for an answer. Something urging him to just yell and scream from the top of a cliff and have echoes reach the edges of Earth. Rock music had to suffice for now, Will decided.

With the music blasting on high volume from her headphones, Will felt him body go almost limp. He wasn’t tired, there was just something about hearing some of his favorite songs which made him feel like he wasn’t alone, like he and Mike were 12 years old again playing dungeons and dragons with their party in his basement until his mom yelled for them to all go home, like he was _normal_. 

He heard something coming from the audio, like there was a third voice. _Pizzmadforgetbass._

_What?_

“Will!”

Will jumped up on his bed, throwing his headphones off, thinking his mom was the one in his room. Instead it was Mike. Not knowing when he had gotten to his house or even how long he had been standing there with Will lying on his bed, Will was kind of surprised. He looked over to see the music still blaring from the headphones he had thrown and was kind of embarrassed. 

“Mike!? When did yo- when did you get here?” Will reached over and pressed the pause button on his cassette player. 

“I was saying, John Deacon wrote the bass riff for Under Pressure and everyone loved it!” Mike emoted, raising his hands like he was there himself. “And you know what, it almost didn’t happen! You know why?”

Will shook his head.

“Mike, where is this going-”

“So what happened was QUEEN went out for pizza. PIZZA! And when they came back, Deacon completely forgot the riff!”  
  
“What?!”

“Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I know! Roger Taylor had to remind him. Isn’t that crazy?! Pizza _literally_ made Deacon forget his bass riff!”

The two of them laughed, because it was such a strange fact, but it seemed that even after all these years, Mike knew how to cheer Will up and exactly what he liked. 

“Come on. Let’s go for a bike.” Mike left Will’s room, waiting for him to follow. Will felt just the slightest bit dizzy getting up, because it was all happening so fast. _I mean for god’s sake, where is Mike even going?_

So they biked, and biked, and biked. Down Randolph, past Mt. Sinai, into the park. Will didn’t know where they were going, and Mike wouldn’t answer him if he asked. He just followed, because on that hot summer day, he knew Mike was going on an adventure to show Will something.

When the boys finally made it, they let go of their bikes and ran towards the water. The heart shape was clear because they made it to the point, and all around them were dark woods and miles of nothing. Here was this lake, still as it ever was, nobody else but them. Lover’s Lake.

“Lover’s Lake. Nancy came here with Jonathan yesterday, and she said it was the most beautiful thing she’d ever experienced. I wanted to see it for myself, and she’s right. It doesn’t compare to the quarry at all!”

Will still hadn’t spoken and the boys sat down near the lake, looking at the noontime sun right above the lake, providing a reflection in the crystal clear water of an orange circle surrounded by nothing but blue skies and green trees. It really was beautiful.

They must’ve spent at least a half an hour there in silence, looking at the nature in front of them, lying on the grass, getting up to look, and repeating, before Will broke the silence.

“Mike, about today, I-”

“Will, what did my dad say?”  
  
_Oh god._ Acting confused, Will just asked, “What do you mean?”

“I’m not sure. After I woke up this morning my mom just told me that you and Dustin left early this morning and that you seemed upset after something my dad said. She wouldn’t tell me what, she just said I needed to talk to you about it. Is everything okay?”

Will swallowed hard on himself. How was he supposed to explain that his dad saw him as a bad influence on Mike and he wanted to put as much space between them as possible. That even if he was talking to Will about Mike being more mature, he could tell that the fault lay on Will. That his dad just _knew_ that Will wasn’t normal, but a little gay boy who realized that he in fact liked boys and not girls, because of Mike?! 

“Um, well… you see that…” Will just turned around and closed his eyes. He wouldn’t show it, but his eyes were welling up. The truth is, in this fucked up world, sometimes it felt like Mike was the only person who understood him. And to have that taken away would be like having him stripped of his life.

“Will? I’m _serious_. What did my dad say to you-”

“It doesn’t matter! One day you’re going to hate me! We’re not even adults and I can tell that you’re annoyed by the things I do!” Will snapped, because Mike’s dad wasn’t wrong. 

You see, Will didn’t exactly like himself. There were things that made him insecure, whether it was the fact that he knew exactly zero other people like him or that the world around him always seemed to be going fine but ended up in shambles. Whether it was a scrawny, pale boy with half-hand me downs half-department store clothes, shy, introverted, or the fact that he couldn’t look at girls in even a fraction of the way he could look at boys and be mesmerized by them and their limbs as they tackled each other, wishing he was the one being tackled, Will always knew he was different.

“Is that what he said? That I hate you?”

“It doesn’t even matter what he said…”

Mike tried to find the words to talk to Will. Sometimes this boy was difficult but he knew he could always come around to talking with him. It wasn’t his fault, after all.

“You’re right, it doesn’t matter what he said, because it’s _not true._ Will-”

Mike flipped Will around by pushing on his shoulder, but it was way too easy because Will let him.

“Will, listen to what I’m gonna say. I. Don’t. Hate you. I don’t think there’s anything you could _ever_ do to make me hate you. And look, dude, yeah we might get into fights or I might spend too much time with El, I get that. But we’re always going to be friends first, okay? Remember, crazy together.”

“Do you really think that?” 

“Uh… what?”

“Nothing I could do would make you hate me?” At this moment, Will wasn’t thinking of what people usually thought of, the extremes, not murder, not strealing, not lying. But telling a guy he liked them, that he physically spoke the words to convey how he felt. It had been bugging him for some time, but Will realized he never really told Mike that he was gay. Mike definitely inferred it, but Will couldn’t imagine telling him the words, at least not right now.

So when Will’s mind wandered off, he was relieved to have Mike utter a simple, “Yes, I promise.”

Hugs seemed to be a kid thing to do, but after the events of the past two years, neither Will nor Mike took them for granted or found them silly. Mike hugged Will more in a week than he did with Lucas or Dustin in their years of friendship. He didn’t even care if there was somebody else there, what they had gone through was nothing to compare to anybody else’s pain. Losing his best friend really would set him off, and he didn’t want to think about it.

So they hugged, they made up, and Will never told Mike what his dad really said. Will didn’t think Mike would know anyways, but Mike knew exactly what made Will cave in. _Listening to Queen by himself? My dad was definitely an asshole._

They might have clinged to each other longer than usual. After all, this day on this particular lake seemed to be different and more emotional. They weren’t surrounded by their friends, their parents, Jonathan or Nancy, nobody. Just the two of them holding on for minutes. At one point, Will even rested his head on Mike’s shoulder and tightened his grip, and Mike _definitely_ noticed.

Letting go, Mike changed the mood between them, eager to get his best friend back. “Hey, you know that new mall? It’s opening tomorrow! We should go…”

“Starcourt?”

“Yeah! The one with all the stores and the movies! I heard they’re playing that new one Fletch, we should go watch!”

“Is that the one with Chevy Chase?” Mike nodded, and Will’s stomach had butterflies. Whether it was for the boy across from him or the celebrity crush he had on Chevy Chase, Will wouldn’t know.

“So… you wanna come with?”

_Shit, I told mom I would go to work with her._ Looking at Mike, Will realized that he couldn’t turn down his friend. Just like Mike said he wouldn’t hate him, Will couldn’t turn Mike down no matter what. Mike could make Will do something unlikeable, something completely out of his personality, something that only he had to do and not Lucas or Dustin, something evil or disgusting, something that goes against everything, and Will would do it. Will could be on the verge of tears but he would do anything for Mike. Because the sad truth was, he still loved the boy named Michael Wheeler. 

“Yeah, let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Sorry for taking forever to update, a lot had been going on, but I hoped you enjoyed this chapter! Did a lot of research, including on games/movies that came out during the summer of 1985, facts on the Queen song, and navigation around Hawkins. Fun fact, I've been listening to a lot of Queen recently so I used a little bit in this chapter, and the map of Hawkins I used is this: https://www.reddit.com/r/StrangerThings/comments/7vn3fh/made_a_map_of_hawkins_after_watching_st_yet_again/
> 
> Thank you for 1.6k hits and 100 kudos! It means so much to me, and I appreciate those of you who leave your thoughts in the comments! I hope I haven't lost you with this break, I have a lot coming up for Will soon :)
> 
> If you liked this, please comment! Every bit of feedback helps on improving my writing (and doing my baby Will justice oof)!   
> Come chat with me on my tumblr, @visionssofgideon


End file.
